Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
