$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
