mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
