at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
