my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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