a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
