apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
