didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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