If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
