Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I AM VODKA MAN
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
