Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
