Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Alive.
So much puke
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
