we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
