it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize