The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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