Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
