the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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