i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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