whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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