We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
