Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
