So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
