So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
