What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
