we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
