Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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