She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
