what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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