I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dignity is for republicans.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Who died my cat blue again?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
