i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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