This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
