i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
