It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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