I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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