Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
