I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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