Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize