I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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