Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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