I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
