so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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