I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
