omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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