I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Be still, my beating vagina.
How external is "for external use only"?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
