just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
