happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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