I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
