and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
