That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
