the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
