I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
