you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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