hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
