Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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