I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
