Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
