Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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