if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
