just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
