I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We had to coat check the pizza.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
