I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
