it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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