I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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