I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
