in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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