my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
