WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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