I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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