I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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