I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
