they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize