I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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