Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
His nipple licking is glorious
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